Download in .pdf or read below:
Anthony de Mello, an Eastern Orthodox priest, in his Meditations on The Way to Love,
says that our beliefs, our values and perspectives of life are influenced by four truths. By
accepting these truths we may find happiness.
#1 Truth You must choose between your attachment and happiness. You cannot have
both. The moment you pick up an attachment, your heart is thrown out of kilter and your
ability to lead a joyful, carefree, serene life is destroyed. How does this apply to your dearest
attachment to someone or some thing?
#2 Truth When did your attachment develop? You were not born with it. It sprang from
a lie of should-dos that your society, your culture, your family or you yourself convinced you
that you could not live without. For example, without this person, I would die. Do you want
your freedom and happiness or your attachment? This does not mean that we should not
care about things, nature and people and be irresponsible. It means that our caring is not
obsessive or controlling but is freeing to the other.
#3 Truth If you wish to be fully alive, you must develop a perspective of life that is
infinitely greater than the person, thing, religious concept, or societal ritual that governs
your way of being. If you truly live long enough your own experience will confirm that these
are actually trifle. Think of tremendous triflers that were so important to you years ago.
Grandparents know that it is more important to enjoy each other than it is to always have a
clean house.
#4 Truth No person or thing outside of you has the power to make you happy. It is
completely your choice whether to be happy or not. So look outside the box of norms in
which you function. When we accept that these attachments, only as we know them are
binding, the refashioning of our hearts is the beginning of grasping the grateful, carefree
life of a child. Some call this state heaven. We are free to be all that we are meant to be. And
we allow others the same freedom- those we love and those we don’t yet understand.
To whom or what are you attached or cannot live without? How has that influenced
your view of life, your relationships and your behaviour?
Recently, two hours after boarding a cruise ship, it was mandated that every passenger take part in an emergency debarkation exercise. We had 20 minutes to reach a designated zone, in case lifeboats were needed. My cabin number required me to enter a zone separate from my family and new friends. I met a couple from Ohio and we discussed, if this were a real emergency, what would we deem
important enough to grab. We decided our passport would identify our country of origin and
return us to our roots. We hoped we would be wearing clothing with pockets. We also
realized that our identity was reduced to a number. Nothing material mattered and we were
separated from family and friends. I can’t imagine the sacrifices that refugees endure. Attachments become minimal.
Archivist, Melanie Dolva, saw her views of indigenous people change while collecting
records for the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. She was raised as a pure white child
in Winnipeg, learning that indigenous people are lazy, ignorant, usually drunk and
dispensable. Her research took her through stages of shame and pity, which is a more
insidious form of racism and harder to fight. By listening with respect and compassion
(passion with) she was actually accepted as an indigenous daughter. Melanie calls herself a
recovering racist.
Read more